Does this sound familiar? My client wrote in with the following question:
Hunter College
"My daughter is very talkative. She talks to me from the limited she comes home until she goes to sleep at night. Her teachers have mentioned this to me as well. She has friends but I see that they sometimes get angry with her. We call her a "motor mouth" and we tell her to be quiet but that doesn't seem to help. How can we handle this situation better?
There are 3 steps to help your heighten your daughter's behavior:
1. Understand her personality:
Everyone has different personalities and character traits. Your daughter is probably extroverted. She needs to think out loud and she likes to connect with people though talking. The real inquire should be, how can we get her to mull over her ideas quietly and find her ways to connect with others by listening?
2. Use sure Labels:
We want to avoid name-calling or using negative labels to recognize our children. Viewing your child as a "motor mouth" or a "big mouth" influences your perception of her in a harmful way. The more we focus on a child's negative points the more upset we get. We forget to look for solutions. As parents we have the potential to mold our child's personality in sure ways. We also have an promulgation to help our children build a good and strong self-image. By using negative labels we can lose sight of that.
Children who are teased, even good naturedly about their attributes may feel criticized. In this environment they get locked into their negative role, i.e. "big mouth." It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you mention how much your daughter talks the more she will talk. She will feel hopeless to change.
To help you view your child in a good light and to give your child a boost to her self-esteem you can use sure labels to quote her. You can say she is social, expressive, assertive, honest, loves people, and a great relater.
3. Reinforce sure Behavior:
In parenting it is best to remember, "what we mention we strengthen." If we only focus on her negative behaviors we progress her negative behaviors. If we focus on her sure behaviors we progress her sure behaviors. In this case we want to look for times that she quietly works out her problems and when listen to others. Make sure to point it out to her kindly.
For example:
"You seemed upset about your task for school. I told you to think about it quietly so you can come up with a solution. After a limited of reasoning you said that you will ask your teacher if you can do your task with a friend instead of alone."
"I saw you listening when Grandma was telling you about the funny story that happened to her in the supermarket. You didn't interrupt once. It is foremost to be a good listener."
For more innovative parenting tips like these or to join our workshops come and visit us at http://www.parentingsimply.com.
How To Get Your Talkative Child To Listen
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